Long Live the Difference

Vive la difference! "long live the difference"

We all know that women and men are different, even beyond the obvious anatomy. But, precisely how are they different, and how do we recognize the differences in marriage?
To explore these questions, we look to perhaps an unlikely text, God’s judgments against Adam and Eve. The nature of these unique curses can reveal some of the different ways men and women respond to life. (This does not imply that differences are a result of the “fall.” Genesis 2 implies that the humanity as maleness was incomplete, that is, did not bear the image of God as fully as possible. Therefore, though gender differences were already part of humanity, the story of the “fall” exposes how they became magnified East of Eden.)

Genesis 3:16-19 (New Living Translation)

Then he said to the woman,

“I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.”


And to the man he said,


“Since you listened to your wife and ate from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat, the ground is cursed because of you. All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it. It will grow thorns and thistles for you, though you will eat of its grains. By the sweat of your brow will you have food to eat until you return to the ground from which you were made. For you were made from dust, and to dust you will return.”


As we read this passage, we need to take the curse beyond merely the literal into categories which can give us meaning for our life. First, we look at the words to Eve.

“I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.”

Beyond the literal physical pain referred to, we see that Eve’s curse is in regards to her closest relationships; husband and children. So the pain of birth is also a metaphor for the pain of the child growing up and leaving home. It is the pain of empty nesting. It is the pain of a child taking a self destructive path. The desire to control or consume her husband is met with the husband’s reluctance to be controlled and his move to rule or dominate her. In short, the woman’s curse is loneliness in relationship.

Next we look at the words to the Adam.

…the ground is cursed because of you. All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it. It will grow thorns and thistles for you, though you will eat of its grains. By the sweat of your brow will you have food to eat until you return to the ground from which you were made. For you were made from dust, and to dust you will return.”

Even though most of us don’t actually scratch a living from ground that begrudgingly gives up its fruit, we may be quite familiar with the feeling that no matter what we do today, we will do it again tomorrow. We experience the hard earned paycheck that seems to buy less than we think it should. But worst of all, the ground that we come from and scratch a living from still seems to win in the end. In short, the man’s curse is the futility of work.  

Vive La Difference

“I am a man and you are a woman.

I can’t think of a better arrangement.” ~ Groucho Marx

It doesn’t take a neuroscientist or medical doctor to tell us that men and women are different. Yet, when it comes to relating to our spouse, sometimes we are completely surprised to find out they don’t think or respond the same way we do.

Couples who acknowledge and appreciate their differences will improve their chances of averting conflict, creating synergy, and increase their level of intimacy. Embracing the gender gap can be a life-long pursuit of happiness weaved with challenges and opportunities.

Beginning Tuesday, April 20, we will boldly explore scripture, science, culture, and experience, to assist couples in their efforts to bridge the gender gap.

The purpose of this six-week interactive class is to help you recognize, understand, and enjoy how your spouse, by virtue of being the opposite sex, thinks, feels, and behaves differently than you do. . .and to that we say . . . vive la difference!